


I Could See It Coming From The Edge Of The Room

by DefaltManifesto



Series: 30 Day Song Lyric Challenge [16]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken | Fire Emblem: Blazing Sword
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Trauma, Emotionally Repressed, Friendship, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-15 19:36:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13037967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefaltManifesto/pseuds/DefaltManifesto
Summary: He has no idea what’s in a life. He’s known nothing but killing, and when Nino joined Eliwood, it had still been killing just killing with the purpose of protecting her. And now that he’s on his own, it’s killing again. How does he build a life when there’s only one thing he knows?





	I Could See It Coming From The Edge Of The Room

**Author's Note:**

> Today's fic is from the following lyric from Breaking Down by Florence + The Machine: 
> 
> "Oh I think I'm breaking down again"
> 
> A friend helped me with this one because I wasn't sure what FE character to do and he suggested a fic where Jaffar is losing his grip on his humanity and is becoming what he once was, but then finds his way back through Nino/other people. I thought it was a really fitting idea, especially since, like the song, Jaffar's been this way since he was a child. His training is like any other mental illness in that it's always sleeping in the back of your mind or out of the corner of your eye. It fit the song real well. 
> 
> And since I hate Jaffar/Nino here's the result!

Jaffar’s grateful for Erk. Nino needs light in her life, and the young man provides it where Jaffar would just stifle it. He evades bounty hunters by traveling, but he always circles back to check in on Erk and Nino and take care of any nefarious hunters who happen to be watching them.

Over time though, he travels further and longer. The bounty on his head still exists, but people stop trying. His name doesn’t quite fade into obscurity, but when he travels far enough, there’s no one who recognizes his face or his style and that’s good enough for him.

 

-.-

 

He has no idea what’s in a life. He’s known nothing but killing, and when Nino joined Eliwood, it had still been killing just killing with the purpose of protecting her. And now that he’s on his own, it’s killing again. How does he build a life when there’s only one thing he knows?

 

-.-

 

Jaffar takes job after job, assassinations of men and women who have a list of crimes as long as his. It’s still killing, but at least it’s killing that makes the world safer for Nino and people like her, people who would be used and manipulated for a horrid purpose. Between jobs, he lays low in his cabin high up in the mountains. He remembers Nino telling him it would be good to find a hobby.

He enjoys reading a little bit, enough that he buys books on a rare occasion on his way back from a job. They let him escape reality for a bit. It’s all the more disappointing when he’s finished though, because then it’s back to the real world, and the dark gloom of his house and a keen sense that he lacks something all the characters in those books have; friends, family, loved ones.

The easiest way to drown out that _feeling_ of loneliness is take more jobs. It’s a vicious cycle that starts to eat away at him. This, he thinks, is the curse of unlocking whatever door he had on his mind and letting himself experience and feel. Why do it? It makes killing people, even the bad ones, harder, and it makes the aftermath all the more difficult when he’s alone again. It’s tempting to shut everything back down. He lets the books gather dust on the shelf and sleeps more.

Sleep. Kill. Rinse. Repeat.

 

-.-

 

“Damn, you are a hard bastard to find.”

It speaks to how tired Jaffar is that he didn’t notice the presence of another person in his home. It could also be the blood loss. He stumbles, knees cracking hard on the wood floor as his side twinges.

“Ah, Jeeze,” Matthew says, hopping off his perch on Jaffar’s kitchen table. “Did you even bother to stitch the thing before you wrapped it?”

“No time,” Jaffar says, brain moving in slow motion.

Matthew sighs and hauls him up before dropping him on the bed, ignoring his grunt of pain as he cuts through Jaffar’s sloppy bandaging. “I’ll take care of this. We’ll talk after.”

Jaffar passes out.

 

-.-

 

Jaffar wakes between one breath and the next, keeping his breathing slow and deep as he opens his eyes and watches Matthew look through his small book collection. Matthew isn’t fooled. He turns and looks at Jaffar, raising an eyebrow.

“He lives,” Matthew says. “That’s a relief. Nino’s been worried sick.”

“Nino?” Jaffar sits up and looks down at his side. Matthew’s stitches are neat. “Is that why you helped?”

“Well that and I don’t like watching people bleed out in front of me,” Matthew says. “She asked me to find you. She’s worried.”

“It’s not safe,” Jaffar says.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Matthew says. “Pretty much everyone’s given up on both of your bounties. Plus, she and Erk are gonna have twins soon. She wants you there.”

Jaffar tries to process the information. He’d been working so hard to lose himself to the monotony of what he’d once been that he’d nearly forgotten why he was even alive in the first place. Nino. “Twins?”

“Uh-huh,” Matthew says. “As soon as you’re better, we’ll go together.”

“You don’t mind being around me that long?” Jaffar asks, studying Matthew’s face. It’s pointless. He’s never been good at reading emotions.

Matthew sighs. “I stopped blaming you for what you did. You’re not that person anymore.”

Jaffar stares down at his hands. “I…almost was.”

“All the more reason for you to rest up and come back,” Matthew says. “You can’t be a person all cooped up on your own in the mountains. Being a person requires being with other people.”

“Hmm…”

“Oh whatever,” Matthew says. “You can think about it on the way there.”

 

-.-

 

Nino punches him. Not hard, and only in the arm, but he supposes it’s a worthy punishment for nearly losing himself because he’d been too scared of endangering her or her family. She chatters non-stop in an effort to catch him up on everything that he’s missed. Erk has to keep reminding her to take a breath. It makes Jaffar’s chest feel warm in a way he’s unfamiliar with and he can’t help what he thinks is a smile as Nino launches into another story.

Matthew watches from the corner of the room. There’s an assessing look in his eyes and Jaffar wonders what he’s being tested on and whether or not he’ll pass. After a while, Matthew nods and slips out the door with none the wiser. Jaffar supposes he passed.


End file.
